Hi! I’m Martinè
I was that happy little girl with long hair and braids…
… carefree, happy – the typical little girl.
One day I was going with my parents to visit some of their friends and they lived next to my favorite park. It had the best swings and beautiful flowers. I loved (and still do) beautiful scenery and this park had the best swings. They looked like animals and my favorite was a dolphin. When we got there, Mr. “H” said he would take me to the park and let his wife visit with my parents.
I was so excited.
He held my hand and we walked from his house that had a path that led right to Lampe Park. He stopped about half way and sat down on the bench. He asked me to sit next to him and I was disappointed. “Why are we stopping?” I was ready to get to the swings but I did as I was told. I felt his hand on my knee and he slowly inched his hand into my panties … I am sure you can imagine what happened from there 🙁
He was a big man, big belly and overalls. [I still hate overalls on anyone] He told me not to tell my parents because they would not like it. I did end up telling my parents and saw my dad brace himself against the doorway as my mom sat next to me. They never did anything about it. I was molested by two other men before age 9. I didn’t say a word about those to anyone
… why would I? I did find out later that they went to our Priest about it and he had said not to tell anyone because Mr. “H” had cancer and that his wife would be left when he died with the knowledge that her husband was a monster. Ya, okay, but what about me? Who would stand up for me? And I was 4 years old at the time – I had a lifetime ahead of me. I should have been protected.
Why was I not important?
If you know what this is like – you are brave, and I want you to know that it was not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
Starting at age 9, physical and verbal abuse became part of my daily life as well. I was called a “big dummy” and was hit in the head more times than I can remember. I was not protected from this either so the happy go-lucky little girl grew up shy, withdrawn, scared … mostly of men.
I left home at age 17, and met a beautiful equally shy man at age 19. He was also hurt deeply. We did much healing together through our love.
I went on to marry a few years later the father of my children. It was a good marriage – until it wasn’t. So much happened -the death of both of his parents and grandparents. He just lost himself in grief and wouldn’t come back to us, even after my unfortunate miscarriage. A year later it was time for us to part ways.
I was a single parent for three years raising the kids on my own. Then I met my now husband and moved clear across the country from California to Michigan. Whoa! That was a crazy time. Within a year my mother was diagnosed with dementia. My dad moved them so we could care for her together. She passed away six months later, and two months after that I was diagnosed with colon cancer. Really? As the third child of my parents I had cancer … what?!
I am a survivor of cancer for five years now. One year after my mom passed away, I got a phone call. We were on a little getaway touring a house that we thought may be a great vacation home. We had all said “Kristin would love this house.” The phone call was from my sister’s roommate. Kristin had passed away. I remember my husband pulling over, my kids crying in the back seat … I just saw her two months ago. She had graduated chef school. She had always been sickly but had always “beat” whatever ailed her. She even beat cancer.
We were just beginning to heal from that and then I got another call. I was out for a morning power walk with my husband. The phone call was from my sister in law. I thought “Uh oh, it’s only 6am in California”. Laurie was crying and said my brother was dead. I sat down in the middle of the street. NOOOOOOOO.
Dear God, what is going on here? Why am I losing another member of my family? And why is my brother’s wife a widow at age 47? And his son without a dad at age 10? I don’t understand…
What I do know for sure, however, is this:
We humans are resilient.
We can heal no matter what happens to us.
We are meant for an amazing life.
Diving into our emotions and personal development is not easy. However, sitting in our emotions and asking our bodies what we need heals us. Taking the time to process our emotions with a coach HEALS us. We can’t do it alone. We can’t get to the answers without the help of someone asking the deep questions.
AND – things will always come up. We will never reach a place where life is perfect. We may think we have solved an issue or problem, and then there it is again. But as we learn and really get to know ourselves – when we listen to what our hearts and soul ask for and give it to ourselves, it gets easier to find solutions and answers.